Embracing Forgiveness

In my dreams last night, I found myself immersed in the energy of forgiveness. As I wrote a letter to my work yesterday, it dawned on me how deeply I've been impacted by those who've mistreated me. The process was both frustrating and profound, unearthing layers of emotion.

During the recent journey with a client who died by suicide, I became a target for her family's projections. They painted me as the villain, attacking and threatening me. It wasn't the first time I'd faced such hostility in my line of work. It was because of this that I decided to dissolve my school and pivot my work from focusing on the womb. The womb is the greatest pain point for humanity, and I realized I didn’t want the greatest place of pain to be the access point for people working with me. Because that meant the people coming to me, who weren’t able to see their own stuff, took it out on me, making me the villain in their story.

Understanding my Human Design as a 5/1 shed light on why I attract both positive and extremely negative projections. It's been a challenge not to internalize it all, questioning, "Why me?" and feeling the weight of those projections, even from childhood.

These projections have come throughout my life, giving me a constant source of inspiration to tend to my inner world, to excavate what was there, to heal, and shift the unwell places inside of myself. And then came the realization that it wasn’t all mine to process. Because of my childhood and life experiences, I had taken it all on, even when it wasn’t mine to process.

A beautiful aspect of this process was that now, I know myself. I know who I am, I know my edges, my places of resistance, my gifts, and my magic. This helps when sifting through the emotional psychological landscape of these realms that aren’t tangible.

Now I know what is mine and what isn’t. Where I need to take responsibility and where it isn’t mine to take on and process.

In the night, I felt the energies stirring within, revealing the places that still need the healing balm of forgiveness. These experiences linger within me, like a constant anticipation of the next blow, a defense mechanism honed over years of enduring projections and mistreatment, even from infancy.

To the parents of the client that died - I understand you needed a scapegoat, someone to project your anger, hurt, and pain upon instead of taking responsibility for your part of her choices. I don’t condone your behavior. I wish you could have seen me, seen how well I tended to her in life, into her afterlife.

I wish you could have seen that I didn’t want that role, I didn’t ask for it and to remember she was my client not my friend. I wish you could have seen the toll it took on me and my life and that we could have walked together through the process, which could have potentially created healing between you all. I know you were estranged, I know she was deeply hurt by you, and that you felt rejected by her in life and into her afterlife journey.

I am sorry for your pain, and I release the pain and burden I felt from you. I forgive you for attacking me, making me the villain, for threatening me through the process. I understand it was all you knew to do. I hope you find resolve through your way of processing, and if it’s meant to be, I hope you see how much care I brought to the burden I took on for 19 months.

To the clients and students who have mistreated and abused me, I no longer tolerate this behavior. It's disheartening to experience failed billing attempts for classes you fully participated in, knowing that you are essentially stealing. Instead of taking responsibility for your choices, some of you resort to sending hateful and hurtful emails, acting as bullies to avoid paying for the services you received.

To those who send me messages about your trauma without consent, without asking for permission, or offering an exchange, I recognize your struggles. However, it's important to understand that the role of a healer doesn't entail unconditional availability without mutual respect and consent.

For the students who have walked with me for some time and then suddenly portray me as the antagonist to justify stepping away into your own path, I empathize with your journey of self-discovery but urge you to consider the impact of your actions on others.

For those who expect my support without acknowledging the energy exchange and value of my services, I understand that you may not fully grasp the depth of my role and the energy it entails.

To all the clients I've stayed late for, who've had emergencies and asked for my presence, only to later not even recognize me when passing by on the street, I forgive you. I understand that you were absorbed in your own world, and I acknowledge the need for clearer boundaries on my part.

To the clients who've shared their painful stories via text and felt hurt by my boundaries, I apologize. It's important to recognize that messaging your healer without consent is inappropriate, and I should have communicated my boundaries more effectively.

To those who have appropriated my work, using my words and teachings as your own after aggressively rejecting me, I understand that you may not fully know yourself yet. However, it's essential to respect intellectual property and acknowledge the source of inspiration.

I understand that many of you may lack the skills or capacity to fully understand yourselves and your actions, let alone see me clearly. I comprehend how easy it is to project your feelings and experiences onto the person who is offering support and guidance.

I acknowledge that, like any human, I may have made mistakes along the way as I learned and grew through experience. Thank you for the lessons that have helped me understand my capacity, capabilities, strengths, and weaknesses. I recognize that there may have been instances where unintended harm occurred, whether it was within my control or not.

I extend forgiveness to those who hold the belief that a healer's work should not be compensated, failing to recognize the profound depth of the medicine person's journey. I understand that you may be clinging to outdated beliefs that you have yet to question.

I forgive you, I release the burdens you placed upon me. I let go of the pain and resentment related to these experiences, allowing space for healing and renewal within myself. I no longer allow these energies into my work or life.

I open my heart, my life, and my work to welcome the divine matches – those who resonate with my truth, honor my worth, and walk alongside me in harmony and understanding.

May It Be So: So It Is

With Love, Naomi Amaya Love